Responsible parenting challenges

Of all the factors that influence the personality development of children, family environment and relationships unquestion-ably rank first and foremost. For children around the world, home and hearth is the primary environment from ‘womb to tomb. The influence of parents and siblings makes the greatest impact on the personality development of every child. Therefore parenting is not only a huge challenge but also a unique privilege, as it helps to mould the personalities of future leaders. Every parent wants to raise well-bred, capable and confident children ready to confront the ever-growing challenges of the contemporary world. I wish to share a few thoughts and insights about parental behaviour that can bring about a magical transformation in the competencies and life skills of children. Like adults, children too respond positively to recognition, compliments, praise, appreciation and encouragement. Its a great strategy to adopt for child rearing and development. The plain fact is that children — again like adults — dont like criticism, nagging and fault-finding. Therefore it makes sense to give positive responses and praise achievement, however minuscule. Unfortunately my three decades-plus experience as an educator indicates that Indian parents tend to be hyper critical of their children and deny them their personal pace of performance which varies from child to child. We expect them to exhibit immediate results as though they are machines. Most parents become impatient or irritable, or take for granted the small achievements which may matter greatly to children. For such parents its important to remember that praise is a great motivator to attain important milestones. Synonymous with wise parenting is patience. Whether its toilet training or getting homework done, parents need to learn the importance of being patient with children, and adopt a calm and unruffled demeanour while transacting with them. Only through patient persuasion and motivation can parents encourage children to inculcate good habits and lasting values. Good parenting is leading by example, and being firm, fair, yet loving towards children. Yet while managing children fairly but firmly, its vitally important for parents to understand that children are very sensitive. Parents cannot afford to make light promises to them. Even seemingly trivial promises like taking them to the park in the evening or reading bedtime stories must be kept, so that children in turn learn to keep their promises. Mutual trust and confidence builds healthy parent-child relationships. And if because of unavoidable circumstances a parent is unable to honour a promise, its important to explain the mitigating circumstances to the child, with the promise to make good the lapse as soon as possible. For young, modern parents who tend to be so busy with their professional responsibilities and social obligations that they hardly find time for their children, let me caution them that children are never too young to discern and appreciate our degree of commitment to them. Such parents are so pre-occupied with their overwhelming schedules that they are prone to imposing their opinions and judgements on their children. Instead, they should learn to…