Helping children cope with parents’ job transfers

My husband has a transferable job and we keep moving cities every two-three years. It is difficult for my 12-year old son to adjust in school as he takes time to make friends. I feel his life is becoming unstable because of these frequent transfers. How can I help him adjust and make friends faster in a new city? — Rizwana Hussain, Pune Several families understand that children suffer great stress with frequent transfers and choose the option of children living in one city with one parent while the other chooses work promotions and transfers. Living in the same city allows children to benefit from better social interaction, peer relationships and academic growth. If there is an opportunity to live in one city until he crosses adolescence at least, it will benefit him immensely in the long term. Adolescence is the period when children form and develop personal identities from cliques and it’s best to allow such peer relationships to flower. If such a decision is not possible for your family, the best course is to have a discussion with your son on the nature of the stress he experiences in school. Without belittling or lecturing him, respect his challenges and guide him towards finding solutions and coping strategies. If required, you could also take the help of a therapist or school counsellor. My daughter is afraid of thunderstorms. She will turn 13 next year and may need to travel on school trips, etc. I want her to overcome this fear. Please advise. — Vinodini Kumari, Chennai Fear of thunderstorms is one of the most common phobias of children. If it’s severe, professional help may be needed to gradually and scientifically facilitate age appropriate desensitisation techniques to overcome this fear. However, the following steps may prove helpful. Together explore and understand through videos different weather phenomena starting with whatever is least likely to remind her of thunderstorms and slowly move forward from rain to hailstorms, hurricanes and thunderstorms. Ensure the videos are presented as scientific facts and watch the thunderstorms video in daylight before clubbing it with the night sky. Don’t lecture or advise. Her fear is real and she must have the opportunity to speak about it and find ways to deal with it. You can also help reduce the sensory components of a thunderstorm by using headphones and music during the storm and heavy curtains to block out lightning. Also read: Precocious puberty fears I had to leave my two-year-old daughter under the care of my mother in my hometown, Kurnool, while pursuing my postgrad medical studies in Bangalore. I used to talk with her regularly on the phone and meet once or twice a month. Now I am done with my studies and want her to live with me, but she prefers to stay with my mother. She is four years old. Should I leave her for some more time with my mother or is it better to get her used to living with me right away? —…