Bhumika K. quizzed well-known children’s author Roopa Pai about the benefits of hands-off parenting and the importance of parents role-modeling good behaviour and values A computer science engineering graduate of University Vivesvaraya College of Engineering, Bangalore and former journalist, Bangalore-based Roopa Pai is a well-known children’s books writer who has authored over 25 books of fiction and non-fiction across several genres including fantasy-adventure (Taranauts), science (What if the Earth Stopped Spinning? And 24 Other Mysteries of Science), philosophy (The Gita for Children) and self-improvement (Ready! 99 Must-have Skills for the World-conquering Teenager). The Gita for Children won the 2016 Crossword Award in the children’s writing category. Her latest book is The Vedas and Upanishads for Children. Also mother of a 21-year-old daughter (Chetana) and 16-year-old son (Rohan), Pai philosophises about the benefits of hands-off parenting and the importance of parents role-modeling behaviour they want children to follow. What is your parenting philosophy? I’ve never thought about it before in these terms, but I suppose the core of my parenting philosophy has always been to trust children. Trust them to do the right thing, trust them not to be awful — either to others or to themselves — trust them to fulfill their responsibilities to the extent of their capability rather than my expectation, trust them not to lie and cheat. However this does not mean that I expect them to tell me everything that’s going on in their lives. I’m sure they keep plenty of things to themselves, and work through their own conflicts and difficulties without bothering me. That’s how it should be. Are 21st century parents too fussy about their children and transforming into helicopter parents? I am a hands-off parent. It is my nature not to obsess about anything. So it wouldn’t be fair for me to say that other parents, whose parenting style is different from mine, are being ‘obsessive’. There is no ideal parenting style. If your parenting style doesn’t seem to work on your children, it would be advisable to think about tweaking it, after a respectful and open-minded discussion with them. What are the three biggest challenges of being a parent in India today? The first challenge is to teach your child to love and accept herself unconditionally. I truly believe self-love — which translates not to ‘I’m OK, you’re not OK’ but to ‘I’m OK, you’re OK’ — is the core of a happy and peaceful life. Such acceptance means you don’t judge and denigrate other people for their choices, that you don’t feel compelled to do something because of peer pressure, and don’t depend on others for your happiness. The best way to help your child develop this is to role-model it for her. The second is to be able to listen to your children’s opinions, world-views, and notions about careers and marriage — which could be very different from yours — with respect. To be able to get them to listen to your views, present them not as the ‘right’…
