Nurturing confident children

If your child has high self-esteem, he has it made. Self-esteem is the mainspring that slates every child for success or failure as a human being — Dorothy BriggsNobody doubts that confidence is the prerequisite of success, especially in the sports world. The best physique and all the talent in the world wont do a sportsperson much good if she doesnt have confidence. Conversely, there are many examples of athletes with average physique and talent, whose self-confidence vaulted them into the halls of fame of their chosen sport.
Self-confidence is the vital quality that all top sportspeople must possess. It is a reflection of our self-worth, and plays a large role in determining progress, success and happiness through life. A diffident individual suffers fear of failure, self doubt and poor concentration.
Little wonder in parenting workshops all over the country, most parents ask me, How can I help my kid become a more confident player? My reply to them is that children dont acquire self-confidence from fancy pep talks, psychological string-pulling, or even from positive-thinking manuals. The flow of confidence comes from many tributaries. Three of the most important are competence, connect-edness, and control.
Competence. Competence comes from developing and mastering skills. Sports and games offer great opportunities for developing life skills. Children involved with sports develop early self-esteem, interpersonal and intrapersonal skills, and usually, excellent leadership qualities.
How can we help a child develop her competence? Children who actively and enthusiastically participate in track and field sports can quickly transform into leaders if they are:
• Provided step-by-step learning for essential skills;
• Advised to focus on ‘do-able parts of any challenge;
• Encouraged to set personal goals;
• Taught to motivate themselves;
• Helped to value life skills;
• Taught to appreciate and praise the performance of others.
Connectedness. Every time your child successfully interacts with others, her confidence grows. Sports and games offer myriad opportunities to form groups and teams, develop leadership and team-building skills, and nurture team spirit. However, kids are often hesitant to reach out. You can help by suggesting non-threatening ways for your child to interact with others — such as offering to take the team out for ice cream or pizzas after a game, or car-pooling with team members for practice.
Control. It is generally accepted that thinking and sentiment influence performance and behaviour on games fields and sports arenas. Positive thinking leads to better performance while negativity can adversely impact performance outcomes.
It is hard, however, for a child to feel confident and positive when she has little or no control over whats happening around her. Its natural for children to experience anxiety or anger in tense situations and lose self-control. You need to help your child understand that while she cant always control situations, she can exercise control over her reactions in complex or difficult situations. Self-control is the best control. Therefore parents must consciously teach children to manage their emotions.
How do you teach children self-control? one way is to make them aware of their ‘hot buttons. These are triggers, which when pushed, make them angry, inadequate, unsure. For instance, there may be a rival who often taunts your child and provokes angry response and lapse of concentration, resulting in poor on-field performance. If you make her aware that a psychological ‘game is being played, she can work on rewiring her hot buttons. Such advice could result in a combination of positive self-talk, humour, or ignoring the stimulus.
Finally, as a parent, you can boost a childs confidence by exhibiting quiet confidence in her capability yourself. I am reminded of this daily as I watch my year-old grandchild move around her home. When my children were little, we offered them constant encouragement as they took their first struggling steps, even if they promptly fell right back down on their little bottoms. As young parents do we run around screaming and yelling, how could you mess up like that? or you can do better! No, of course not. We smile! We let them know that we believe in them. And that confidence gives them the courage to try again.
Why should we stop offering such indulgent encouragement as kids get older?
After youve done your best to prepare your child for the world of sport, its time to sit back, relax, and enjoy the experience. Exhibit confidence in childrens ability to do a good job, and chances are, they will!
(Dr. George Selleck is a California-based sports psychologist and advisor to Sportz Village, Bangalore. E-mail: [email protected])