Usha Rani
Usha Rani is a Bengaluru-based child psychologist and founder of I Hear You Counseling Centre
I want my 12-year-old daughter to embrace failure and reduce her fear of making mistakes. Please advise.
— Risha Sehgal, Mumbai
Here are some strategies to help your daughter to learn to cope with failure:
- Emphasize that mistakes and failures are essential for growth and learning.
- Share stories of your failures, demonstrating that everyone makes mistakes.
- Praise her effort, persistence, and progress, rather than achievements only.
- Support her to take calculated risks, to develop her confidence.
- Acknowledge and empathise with her frustration when she experiences failure or disappointment.
- Encourage her to have a growth mindset — that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work.
- Encourage her to reflect on her mistakes, identifying what went wrong and how to improve.
We live in an apartment on the first floor and don’t have access to a garden or a terrace. Please suggest ways to encourage independent play and creativity in my two children.
— Dhatri Reddy, Chennai
- Allocate a specific area in the flat for play and creativity, even if it’s a small corner or a shelf. This zone can stock art supplies and imaginative play materials/toys such as building blocks, Lego, dolls, etc.
- You should also encourage conversations with your children, asking open-ended questions that prompt curiosity. Regulate children’s digital screen time as it hinders creativity and imagination. Encourage creative activities such as painting, drawing, and arts and craft.
- Allow children to take calculated risks and make mistakes. This develops problem-solving skills, resilience, and confidence. Engage children in storytelling activities.
- By implementing these strategies, you can develop a culture of creativity and independence in your children.
How can I guide my 13-year-old daughter to make positive choices and not succumb to peer pressure?
— Yamini Jitender, Bengaluru
Encourage open communication, role-play, value-based discussions, and positive peer relationships. Set clear rules and boundaries, and develop emotional intelligence, problem-solving skills, and self-esteem to empower her to make positive choices and develop the confidence to navigate peer pressure in highly social school environments.
How can I ensure that my eight-year-old, who is always enthusiastic about enrolling in a new activity, is not overwhelmed by extracurricular activities?
— Lavni Sharma, Delhi
Ensuring children balance extracurricular activities with their overall well-being is crucial for their physical, emotional, and mental health. Here are some ways to prevent her from being overwhelmed while nurturing her interests and talents:
- Acquire a clear understanding of your daughter’s priorities, including academics, family time, and personal interests.
- Encourage her to try new activities but don’t force her into commitments.
- Restrict the number of extracurricular activities to one or two per season, allowing her time to focus on activities in which she excels.
- Ensure she has ample free time for relaxation, play, and spontaneity.
- Watch for signs of burnout, such as fatigue, decreased motivation, and stress.
- Teach her the importance of balancing activities with rest, socializing, and personal time.
- Provide her with choices and encourage her to make her own decisions.
- Role model and demonstrate a healthy balance between work, leisure, and personal activities in your life.
- Schedule quality family time, ensuring she feels loved and supported.