Parents should begin preparing the first-born early for the birth of a sibling. Here are some guidelines Khushboo Nehaal Jashnani
Sibling rivalry begins early, often before birth of the little brother/sister. Children are often cautioned against ‘troubling’ their pregnant mother, and thus seeds of resentment and alienation are sown. The older child is told: “Don’t disturb Mummy; she is tired and unwell.” This jealousy of the unborn who is depriving her of mother’s attention and affections, aggravates after the birth of a new sibling.
“It’s normal for the older child to indulge in attention-seeking behaviour even before the birth of a sibling. This aggravates further after the new born arrives. She may regress and behave infant-like, in some cases even thumb-sucking and bed-wetting to get parental attention. If parents don’t address these emotions of neglect, the older child could become aggressive, withdraw socially, and avoid socialisation,” says Dr. Richa Singh, a psychologist and consultant neurosurgeon at Sir Ganga Ram Hospital, New Delhi.
According to Dr. Singh, parents should begin preparing the older child for the birth of a sibling before the latter’s birth. Some guidelines:
Dr. Richa Singh
Explain the birth process
Explain to your first-born in age-appropriate language how she was born from a tiny cell inside you and her early years as an infant when she was provided full parental love.
Create memories
Whenever you discuss the birth of the new infant, always refer to the early days of your older child. How special her birth was and how special she still is. Reassure her of your love and support.
Involve her in setting up the nursery
Involve your older child in setting up the nursery of the new born. She should be mentally prepared to accept a new sibling and her things in the house — a new cot, blankets, etc.
Encourage early bonding
“Allow your older child to feel and touch your baby bump. Make her feel connected with the unborn child. Explain the process of hospitalisation and take her along on visits to the obstetrician. This early bonding will prepare her mentally to accept and welcome a brother/sister,” advises Dr. Singh.
Prepare your child to care for the infant
Reiterate that you need help caring for the new infant. Ask her to help out in preparing the baby cot, sorting the toys, etc.
Despite all this preparation, the birth of a sibling tends to arouse feelings of jealousy and neglect in older children. Dr. Singh advises parents to make a conscious effort to display love for the older child, and most important, continue to spend quality time with her.
