My seven-year-old son has anger management issues. Sometimes when he is very angry, he bangs his head against walls. Please help!
— Sheela Roy, Chennai
You need to ascertain the root causes of your son’s anger. Does he get frustrated when his demands are not met? Is he imitating or role modelling adult behaviour? Is he throwing temper tantrums only to attract your sympathy and attention? It might help to ignore his head banging behaviour, and instead encourage him to canalise his anger through appropriate ways such as discussing his apprehensions, frustrations and anxieties with you and ideating solutions.
My daughter was a responsible and disciplined child. But after her 15th birthday she has become careless and gotten into the habit of throwing her shoes, socks and bags around the house after returning from school. Please comment.
— Rina Cherian, Bengaluru
You need to understand that she is experiencing adolescence during which children experience physical, emotional, and behavioural changes. Adolescence is a time of tides and storms. It’s quite normal for a teenage child to resist responsibility and discipline. You need to be understanding and accepting of these changes. Stop lecturing, highlighting her faults and comparing her with others. Instead constantly reassure her that you will always support her choices and interests.
My 17-year-old son has started picking fights with friends and strangers. At the same time, he is very quiet at home. I am unable to understand this behaviour.
— Triveni Das, Delhi
You need to acknowledge that neurological and physiological changes in adolescence are real and can cause great stress, resulting in violent mood swings, risky behaviour, inconsistent habits, relationships turmoil and academic fluctuations. Many adolescent boys tend to respond aggressively when they are chided and/or face discrimination. They also want to assert their independence. To understand and manage these issues, spend quality time with your son. This is vital for healthy two-way communication. If parents rush to judgement, label, advise or condemn, adolescents are likely to hide or distort incidents to feel accepted. If you are unable to resolve the problem, consult a professional counselor.
My daughter (5) loves to apply makeup and role play an adult. Is this normal?
— Vinod Sharma, Shimoga
According to Jean Piaget’s theory of development, children of this age are in a pre-operational stage, where they are likely to explore and experiment with what they learn from observation. She has learned this behaviour from adults. Children love to imitate others, especially those whom they respect and admire. This is perfectly normal. She will outgrow it.
(Dr Sailaja Pisapati is a well-known clinical psychologist and hypnotherapist and founder of Sailaja Pisapati Mental Health Center, Hyderabad)
