Gayathri Rao
Gayathri Rao is a Bengaluru-based psychologist and founder of Aaroha Child Development Centre
My husband gets frequently transferred for work. How can I help my daughter adjust to frequent school changes and losing old friends?
— Hima Sahay, Chennai
Frequent school changes due to job relocations are unsettling for children. But parents can ease this transition with thoughtful support.
- Prepare your daughter by discussing an imminent transfer, explaining why it’s happening, and encouraging her to express her emotions, including melancholy about leaving familiar environments.
- Involve her in the relocation process. Discuss and explore new school and extra-curricular options. Highlight the positives, such as new friends and experiences, while also acknowledging any fear she may have of the unfamiliar.
After relocation, it’s important to maintain familiar routines, such as bedtime stories and weekend family bonding rituals, as this creates emotional stability in changing times. Encourage her to remain connected with old friends through video calls and reiterate that relationships can endure despite separation. Encourage participation in extracurricular activities at the new school as it will help her make new friends. Most important, after you relocate, spend quality time with her to help her adjust to changed circumstances.
Role model a positive, cheerful attitude towards change. Change is inevitable in life. With empathy, patience, and proactive support, you can help your daughter develop the important life skills of adaptability and self-confidence.
I’ve just started giving my ten-year-old son pocket money. How do I teach him financial responsibility?
— Mishti Dalal, Bengaluru
Parents should start speaking about money to children from young age. Use age-appropriate language and information to teach your son about getting, spending and saving. For instance, allow him to help you count the change when you go grocery shopping.
Don’t avoid discussing money and purchase decisions in front of your son. This will help him understand that even though we may desperately want something, it’s important to evaluate if it’s within the family budget and its utility. This could lead to conversations about something he may want but isn’t practical to purchase. This will enable him to learn the value of delayed gratification. Involving children in financial conversations enables them to develop a positive and responsible attitude towards money.
Buy a piggy bank for him to teach him the importance of saving. He could save up for a toy/game or an ice-cream treat with friends.
As children grow into adolescents, some of the most important concepts they must learn are the value of money, learning to differentiate between needs and wants, and the importance of saving, especially in consumer-driven urban societies.
My four-year-old daughter and six-year-old son are afraid of loud noises, especially firecrackers. How can I help them overcome this fear?
— Tara Gupta, Mumbai
You can help your children overcome their fear of loud noises through a three-step process: understanding, preparation, and slow exposure.
First, speak with them to appreciate their fear of loud noise. Validate their fear. Instead of dismissing it or forcing them to be brave, acknowledge that loud noise can make people fearful and helpless. Here’s what you can say: “That was a loud noise, and it can feel scary”. Explain the source of the noise and emphasise that they are safe at home. “That was a firecracker, and people burst crackers to celebrate festivals. We’re safe at home!” Irrespective of pre-determined or sudden loud noises, when parents keep calm, children learn not to get anxious. Model calmness.
Second, you could consider giving them noise-cancelling headphones during exceptionally noisy times (during festivals or construction work happening in close proximity for extended periods of time).
Third, introduce them gently to loud sounds they fear from a distance, and celebrate small wins: “You stayed calm even when you heard the honking!”
With patience, reassurance, and gentle support, parents can help children build confidence and feel safe even amidst the unavoidable din of city life.
