Learning to become a good sports parent

Over the past year, I have had the opportunity to conduct 11 parent-training workshops, working with parents who have a strong desire to do the right thing when it comes to guiding their children through the world of sport.While interacting with them, the issue that has strongly impacted me is the huge frustration and helplessness that most of them seem to experience. Its more than likely that parents reading this page experience these feelings, too, as they witness their children encounter the challenges, disappointments, and physical and psychological pain that come with playing games and sports. The natural inclination of every parent is to protect her child. Thus, when you witness an official making a bad call, or a coach cutting down your childs play time, or an opposing player physically or verbally attacking your child, you instinctively want to step in to ‘handle it. But when you intervene, you are likely to be labeled a bad sports parent. With all the media attention directed at sports parents these days, the last thing any parent wants is to be featured on the five oclock news! Of course, sitting back and doing nothing wont make you feel good, either. So what must a respon-sible parent do in such a situation? The first thing is to understand that wanting to rush on to the field and push the kid who just pushed your kid, is a perfectly normal sentiment. Experiencing this sentiment doesnt make you a bad person. Its a perfectly natural response. In fact you should worry if you dont experience this rush of emotion. Yet its important to understand that how you feel and how you choose to react to such situations, are distinctly separate issues. Sentiment is neither good nor bad; it just is. Behaviour, on the other hand results in action which is open to judgement. In such situations the best course is to acknowledge your feelings and choose to act in a way that will make a positive impact on your child. And the best course of action that will have the greatest positive effect is to let your child handle the situation. This is a parents hardest job: to step back and let children make mistakes, experience frustration, and even get hurt (within reason). Because if you dont let a child resolve the problem of reduced play time with the coach, what will she do when shes 27 and her boss passes her over for a promotion? If your children assume that every time they face a challenge or setback, mom or dad will step in, what message does it send them about their own competence? By step-ping in parents may offer reassurance and appease their fear for the moment, but such protectiveness will have the negative impact of pushing the child towards diffidence in the future. Rather than helping by stepping in, parents prevent their children from taking independent decisions and learning through experience — bad and good. Engaging in sport teaches children numerous life…