My daughter was good at studies until class VIII. After that, we changed her school and now she has many new friends, some of whom I don’t like. These new friends are a bad influence and have adversely affected her academic performance.
— Shikha Shivlani, Pune
It’s the responsibility of parents to keep an eye on their children’s peer group and friends, and protect them from getting into trouble. But you need to do this without being intrusive. I suggest you introduce her to another group of friends or enroll her in activities where she gets the opportunity to make new friends. Re academics, you could consider getting her tutorial help.
My 13-year old daughter lives with her uncle and aunt for purpose of school education. They all have been living in the same house for more than ten years. They take care of all her expenses. But my daughter’s behaviour towards them is not good. Are they not taking good care of her? When I ask my daughter, she doesn’t say much. Please advise.
— Anonymous, Mumbai
A 13-year-old adolescent is especially sensitive and emotional. She could be experiencing mixed feelings about staying away from her parents, even feeling abandoned by them. You need to make efforts to bond with her. Does she come home for the holidays? Do you visit her often? You need to make more effort to spend quality time with her, and make a decision in her best interest.
My 18-year-old son is an introvert. Unfortunately, his mother died recently. Since then he has become more reticent and is glued to his mobile phone. I have also received complaints that he is sending lewd text messages to women. How can I help him?
— Distressed father, Delhi
A parent’s death is a traumatic experience for children. Your 18-year old teen might be overwhelmed by a mix of emotions including anger, melancholy, helplessness, grief, among others. All this is manifesting in him misusing technology. I recommend you immediately get the help of a professional counsellor to address the problem early on, before it escalates.
I have two girls and a boy. My husband and I have always treated them equally. But the girls keep complaining that we are partial to our son. How can we make them understand that we are not discriminating against them?
— Ruchi Sharma, Bangalore
Demonstration is the best way. First, I suggest that you introspect if the same opportunities are being given to the male and girl children. Be honest with yourself, to ascertain if there’s any favouritism or partiality. Secondly, you must explain to your children the reasons for important decisions so they don’t feel discriminated. Moreover avoid favouritism when sharing gifts, rewards and praise.
(Dr. Pallavi Rao Chaturvedi is a parenting coach, founder – Get Set Parent, and vice-president, Early Childhood Association of India)
