My eight-year-old is afraid of the dark. How do I help him overcome this fear?
—Kara Abraham, Trivandrum
Fear and anxiety are ubiquitous; some have it more than others. Many a time, specific types of fears run in families. Or there may be some incident which has triggered this fear. Make an effort to understand the cause of his fear, and help him cope with it. You could introduce him to positive self-suggestion, such as telling yourself, “I am not afraid”, and narrate stories of superheroes. Maybe he will feel more confident with some kind of totem in hand, that signifies power to protect. Be supportive and don’t ridicule his fear of the dark.
My daughter is very sensitive and gets upset when teased by friends. Of late, she has become more withdrawn. Please advise.
— Mira Shanmugam, Chennai
Depending on her age, you could have a chat with her about what’s bothering her. She might be finding it hard to cope with the teasing and bullying. Sometimes, sharing what you might’ve faced during your own school days and ways you dealt with it helps. Explain to her that it’s natural to have insecurities and reassure her of your full support. Many girl children, especially during their teenage years, become conscious of their body image and develop self-confidence issues. However, if you feel it’s beginning to adversely affect her academic focus, interaction with peers, sleep and appetite, consult a mental health professional.
My daughter does all her school work but she completes it more slowly than others. I wonder if she has a learning/concentration problem.
— Himanshi Rishi, Delhi
There could be several reasons. Does she have difficulty focusing on tasks at hand? Does she have difficulty with specific subjects, or in general? Or is she finding her school difficult? Or she could be suffering from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, a specific learning or intellectual disability. Or it could even be because she has vision or hearing problems. It’s best to get her evaluated by a psychiatrist.
My grandmother always talks negatively about my daughter. I’ve tried reasoning with her but there’s no change in her attitude. How can I ensure my daughter is not affected by this negativity?
— Jemima Das, Hyderabad
It’s a good idea to introduce your daughter to the concept of beliefs and self-worth. Explain to her the background/context of her grandmother and how with age people become rigid in their thinking. Moreover every person has their own point of view, depending on age, gender, education, culture and belief systems. And one can never change the way everyone around us thinks. However, developing a strong inner sense of self-worth, confidence and ability to shrug off negativity will ensure that she will take it on the chin and move on.
(An alumnus of NIMHANS, Dr. Sachin Baliga is a well-known mental health professional and a psychiatric consultant at Fortis Hospital, Bengaluru)
