Parenting an angry child

With mental health professionals reporting a steady increase in the number of adults facing anger management issues, it’s unsurprising that a growing number of children are also struggling to keep this emotion in check, writes Aruna Raghuram Described by Merriam Webster dictionary as “a strong feeling of displeasure and antagonism” and “a fit of violent wrath”, anger is a common emotion. However, the frequency and intensity of this emotion determines if a person is more prone to anger than acceptable by society. With mental health professionals reporting a steady increase in the number of adults facing anger management issues, it’s unsurprising that a growing number of children are also struggling to keep this emotion in check. According to child experts at the Yale Medicine Child Study Center of Yale University, USA, it’s not unusual for a child below four years to throw as many as nine temper tantrums per week. These include episodes of crying, kicking, stomping, hitting and pushing that last five to 10 minutes. Most children outgrow this behaviour. However in some cases, angry, disruptive behaviour may persist and parents may need to seek professional help. “Anger is part of a bouquet of human emotions. It informs us that something is wrong in the environment and that our boundaries are being violated. Anger is an alert mechanism. Like adults, children also experience anger but unlike adults they haven’t developed the coping mechanisms to manage anger. They often externalise it in the form of outbursts/ tantrums or internalise it by becoming quiet, sad, and withdrawn. Internalising anger often leads to physical illness or depression in children. Therefore it’s critical for parents to teach children to identify, cope and manage their anger,” says Ahmedabad-based psychotherapist Meenakshi Gupta. What causes anger in children? Multiple factors contribute to a child’s struggles with irritability, anger, and aggression. Here are some reasons why children get angry and frustrated: A common trigger is frustration when a child can’t get what she wants or is asked to do something that she might not want to do. For instance, parents may not allow her to watch a favourite TV show because she has not completed her homework. This may trigger anger and rebellion. Children especially infants need love, attention and care. If parents or caregivers are unable to provide them the nurturance they need, children tend to show their frustration through temper tantrums. Anger does run in families. Genetics and other biological factors play a role in anger and aggression. Childhood trauma and adverse childhood experiences make children vulnerable to anger. Harsh, authoritarian parenting styles tend to make children angry and defiant. Problems at school could also trigger anger. “In the school environment, bullying and teacher’s indifference can infuriate children,” says Gupta. Many children tend to take time to adjust to changes in life and living conditions. For example, the challenge of adjusting to a new preschool or moving home or city and losing friends is likely to frustrate children. Emotional, behavioural or learning challenges, such as…