Anitha Bennett
If you have been attending ʻWhat kind of parent are you?ʼ quizzes, you are like most parents who are not sure if they are exercising good parenting. Parenting can sometimes be a difficult balancing act. Most parents don’t seem to know whether they are doing it right.
Friends or parents?
Children too want democracy and to be treated as equals. But they need to accept parental authority. Striking the balance is not easy. A child needs to understand that parents can be fun, but at the same time authority figures to whom they can look up.
“Parents who make an effort to be their childrenʻs friends become better listeners and become sensitive to their children’s needs,” remarks Sonali Ghosh, a students counselor.
All parents dream of topping their children’s list of friends. They may top the list during the younger years but as a child grows, parents’ popularity levels drop. To scramble back to the top, some parents over-indulge children, avoid correcting them, beg and plead for cooperation and even reward mistakes.
Do you know your child?
“You may think that you know your kindergartener well, but what if you caught him playing doctor-patient with his best friend? Would you know this phase that your child is passing through, is one of curiosity that almost every child has, or would you cringe with embarrassment and shame?” asks Dr. Pooja Krishnan.
Sometimes, knowing what to expect from children helps. That’s where parenting books and websites come handy. Knowledge that hundreds of parents have faced the same issue is reassuring. We don’t realise just how many parents go through almost the same problems until we read about them.
Expectations vs. reality
A parent with a well-behaved eight-year-old may subconsciously expect the same from her five-year-old without acknowledging the age difference.
Our expectations of our children are also based on our own childhood experiences and attitudes. Acknowledging that our children belong to a different generation with a whole new set of attitudes will make it easier to accept them and bring out the best in them.
Knowing your child
Taking time to observe your children’s behaviour and reactions to different situations will help to know them better.
Every child needs to be handled differently, and trying to manage siblings identically seldom works. If one sibling is good with household chores, you don’t have to force the other one to do the same. He/she can be given other more comfortable chores. In an attempt to be ʻfair,ʼ parents often end up ignoring age differences and frustrate children.
At the end of the day, giving time and attention to children is the surest way of figuring out how to strike the right balance and being the best parent you can be. No parent is perfect, but a big serving of love can cover many mistakes.
