“There’s a fine line between being a friend and parent”

In an interview with Dipta Joshi, Neerja Birla, chairperson of the Aditya Birla Education Trust, discusses the critical importance of shedding stigma about mental health issues and her struggle to balance home and work duties Neerja Birla is the hands-on chairperson of the Aditya Birla Education Trust which runs the Aditya Birla World Academy and The Aditya Birla Integrated School and is also the founder of Mpower Centre, a Mumbai-based mental health diagnostic and treatment centre, and Mpower Foundation, a mental healthcare initiative. Married to Kumar Mangalam Birla, chairman of the heavyweight, transnational Aditya Birla Group of companies (annual revenue: Rs.323,390 crore), and mother of Ananya (23), Aryaman (21) and Advaitesha (14), Neerja discusses the critical importance of shedding social stigma about mental health issues and her struggle to balance work and home duties. What is your parenting philosophy? In my life as a parent I have learnt that actions speak louder than words. Mothers should model the behaviour they want their children to imitate and emulate. Moreover, if you expect respect from your children, you need to respect them as well. For this it’s also important to keep the channels of communication open. Today, children face far more complex situations and challenges than we did. Though exposure to new technologies and innovations makes them smarter, it also has its pain points. Unless children feel safe and confident enough to share everything with parents without fear of being judged, we won’t know what our children are really thinking or feeling. Between your duties as chairperson of the Aditya Birla Education Trust and Mpower, how do you balance home and work? Frankly, it’s a struggle to strike the right balance and at times I am torn between managing home, the schools and mental health centre. On days when I can’t manage it at all, I step back to realign myself. Women naturally want to be perfect in every role we play — the best mum, wife, daughter-in-law, daughter and also excel at work. All this takes a toll which is why we need to often step back and reflect. One has to accept the fact that it’s impossible to meet your expectations at all times. As a mother, I often experience guilt. For instance, I feel guilty when I delay taking my daughter for her health check-up even though there’s good reason for the delay. To mitigate guilt I need to rationalise the circumstances. Rationalising the situation and its outcome has helped me strike a balance. I am a classic Type ‘A’ personality, always impatient and wants things done ‘yesterday’. However, it was my youngest daughter who pointed out that while packing in as much as possible into every day comes naturally to me, it causes stress and strain. Inadvertently, I was also putting pressure on my youngest child to pack her day with activities. What kind of education do you value? Our education system needs to make a paradigm shift from rote learning and right and wrong answers to developing…