Transforming children into team players

Stephen Coveys advice to ‘begin with the end in mind plays well in our discussions about parents roles. If we want our kids to be competent, confident in their abilities, and able to display good judgement, we must give them opportunities to learn and test these areas as they grow. — Sue Blaney, author of Please Stop the Roller-coaster! How Parents of Teenagers Can Smooth Out the Ride.When I ask parents what life lessons they want their children to learn by participating in games and sports, one of the top vote getters is ‘teamwork. So I often make it a practice to pose the same question to groups of children. Only this time, I phrase the question differently: People say that sports participation is good for kids because it teaches ‘life lessons. Do you feel you really learn life lessons from playing sports? You would be surprised at the large number of kids who say they dont learn any useful life lessons on their playing fields. From this I have derived two useful conclusions. • You cant assume your kids are learning what you want them to learn from sports activity. • If you want them to learn critical skills like teamwork, youd better make sure you are teaching them these life skills. Long before sports comes into the picture, the parent-child relationship is your childrens first real experience of teamwork — and often, its the one that has the greatest impact on their lives. But as in the case of many sports teams, successful parent-child teams dont happen automatically. They require hard work and application. Here are four suggestions on working with your children to establish strong parent-child teams: 1. Articulate. The great baseball player Yogi Berra once said, If you dont know where youre going, youre sure to end up somewhere else. An effective team must have a clear sense of direction. And when it comes to parents, kids, and sports, whos in charge of providing that direction? Its the children. Thats right, on this team, theyre the leaders. So, do you know what is your childs purpose for participating in a game or sports activity? Is she playing for fun? Is she looking to learn life skills? Or hoping for a scholarship or career opportunity? What does she want from you in terms of support? If you dont know, you need to know. 2. Create common ground. The Latin word for ‘common is communis. Thus, communication is the prerequisite of creating common ground on which team members can stand shoulder to shoulder. Common sense should tell you that the best way to create a common ground with your child is by attending her games as often as possible. You cheer for her. You give her your full attention when she talks to you. If youre not in a position to give your children individual attention, tell them when you can. You listen more than you talk — much more. You dont dismiss their sentiments or success strategies,…