Cynthia John
“I was always a topper in my school. I had my notes picture perfect and I was a model student. But my daughter is just the opposite — incomplete notes, complaints of daydreaming from her teachers and total disinterest in academic study. She doesn’t like extra curricular activities either. Every evening, homework time becomes a battle. I’m fed up with this!” laments Asha Krishnan, mother of Sumukhi (9).
The causes of Sumukhi’s behaviour could be many. Parents find it hard to pinpoint, much less fix such problems. Heavy parental pressure to perform, learning disabilities which have gone unnoticed, and pleasant/unpleasant distractions at school are some of the common reasons behind children failing to live up to parents academic expectations.
Parents world over dread the day they learn their child is not an A class student in school. Comparisons fly and frustrations mount. With such negative inputs, the child could end up with a failure mindset.
With cases of depression and student suicides on the rise, here are three ways in which parents can help infuse confidence in their children, and help them deal with peer and school pressure.
- GET INVOLVED. Many parents proudly proclaim they have no clue what’s happening in their child’s school. The first step in helping out a failing child is to become thoroughly involved in her day-to-day life. You need to understand your child’s day at school — the friends she has, the subjects she learns and about her teachers. As you share your child’s day, you will be able to appreciate her challenges and help her out. Lower your expectations, and learn to appreciate your child for what she is.
- GET TALKING. Few parents make time to actually sit down to talk to their children. Once you have short-listed the issues, talk to your child about them — one at a time. Getting her to open up may be difficult, but a non-judgmental, casual attitude will help. Discuss and enable your child to ideate solutions for her problems. Work out routines and schedules jointly to help her focus and streamline her homework. Avail every opportunity to praise her with encouraging words.
- GET HELP. Problems beyond parental control have to be resolved with external help. It could mean a conversation with a strict teacher in school to help her understand your child’s sensitivity, or seeking the intervention of parents of the class bully to promote better relationships in school.
Most importantly, if you suspect a learning disability when your child fails to meet expectations, don’t be ashamed or afraid to solicit professional help. Many minor learning problems can be solved with timely intervention. Ignoring or refusing to acknowledge them can multiply your child’s problems.
