With parents forced to work from home and children learning at home, male parents had never-before opportunities to participate in child care, nurturance and education duties usually dispensed by overworked mothers, writes Aruna Raghuram
If there is a bright spot of the Covid-19 pandemic lockdowns and related restrictions, it’s that it gave millennial parents, in particular males, time and opportunity to bond with their children. With parents forced to work from home and children learning at home, male parents had never-before opportunities to participate in child care, nurturance and education duties usually dispensed by overworked mothers.
A 2020 Harvard University study titled How the Pandemic is Strengthening Fathers’ Relationships with their Children revealed that 70 percent of male parents reported “feeling closer to their children” during the pandemic. According to the study, male parents reported “more meaningful conversations, sharing more with their children about their own lives, and discovered new, common interests”.
In India as well, within middle class households, the pandemic spurred dads to get more involved in their children’s lives, and share household chores. “During the pandemic there has been a trend of dads pitching in to help with household chores and parenting responsibilities. But this trend is mostly among young parents in their 20s-30s, and in double-income households. This has enabled children to become better acquainted with male parenting and learn important lessons in gender equality,” says Dr. Gaurang Jani, a Ahmedabad-based sociologist with special interest in gender studies.
Dr. Jani says that although parenting equations are changing with many dads transforming into hands-on parents during the pandemic, in traditional families, there is still a, “communication wall ” between fathers and children. “In conservative, traditional households, mothers are care givers and fathers are rarelyat-home financial providers. There is little involvement of dads in children’s day-to-day lives. This is unfortunate as active involvement of both parents helps to nurture happy, contented and healthy children,” he says.
Several recent research studies have highlighted that children greatly benefit socially, cognitively and emotionally from greater involvement of male parents in child nurturance. A loving, supportive and involved father can contribute greatly to the children’s cognitive and social development as well as academic achievement. A 2019 University of Georgia study titled How Fathers, Children Should Spend Time Together found that the type of involvement — caregiving vs play — and the timing — workday vs non-workday — positively impacts the quality of fatherchild relationship. It concluded that fathers who spend considerable time “helping out with child care-related tasks on workdays develop the best relationships with their children”.
Nidhi Sharma, a Mumbai-based family therapist and work-life balance coach, believes the unprecedented pandemic lockdown compelled parents to collaborate, cooperate and share household and parenting responsibilities. “Earlier, male parents tended to be less involved in child care. But with the pandemic having hugely disrupted family and work lives, fathers have had to step up and share parenting duties. Involvement and support of both parents positively boosted the confidence of young children. However in the case of teenagers, having a male parent supervising them 24×7 during the lockdown, created friction in many households,” says Sharma.
Rajesh Viswanathan, a Bengaluru-based content strategist and leadership consultant, concurs that forced home confinement during the pandemic improved family and in particular father-child bonding. In his own case, time saved commuting to and from work enabled him to spend more time with his eight-year-old son Viren. “During the pandemic, my wife Vaishnavi and I made a conscious decision to increase and improve family conversations and share all household and child care duties. I believe that when men do household chores they bust gender stereotypes and set an excellent example for young boys. In fact after the lockdown ended, we have not hired a maid or cook. We do all the housework ourselves,” says Vishwanathan adding that father-son bonding was an upside of the pandemic.
“We learnt many things from each other. I taught him to cook and he taught me to paint. We played board games and other sports, and read books together. Viren has learnt several helpful life skills during the past two years,” says Viswanathan.
Though with the rapid multiplication of double income households and greater participation of women in the workforce in post-liberalisation India, parenting dynamics were evolving and a growing number of male parents had begun to share care-giving and household duties, the pandemic disruption has accelerated this trend pushing many Indian males to become hands-on parents. “My husband Samkit has always been a very involved parent. But during the pandemic with our daughters aged seven and five learning from home, he took on additional responsibilities to supervise their online learning and devise non-digital activities. Since they could not socialise with peers as schools were shut, Samkit played indoor and outdoor sports with them. Reading to them was also a favourite activity. When our daughters witness Samkit and me sharing all tasks, they realise that there are no gender stereotypes and are likely to replicate this parental behaviour when they start their own families,” says Jumana Shah, a senior Ahmedabad-based journalist.
Now with Covid-19 cases on a steady decline and children back in school and parents in office, will male parents revert to type? Family therapist Nidhi Sharma (quoted earlier) says that “change happens slowly”. “Unfortunately for centuries we have lived with the gender stereotype of mothers being primary caregivers and fathers discharging the role of providers and protectors. This gender role is strongly ingrained and there’s possibility that families may go back to old ways. Especially since the shift has been circumstantial — on account of the pandemic. Nevertheless, I believe that there is perceptible change in parental dynamics and a small but growing minority of male parents are becoming increasingly involved with children’s lives,” says Sharma.
